The Interview Every Patient Deserves
- maryrburrell
- 12 minutes ago
- 4 min read
Questions Every Doctor Should Be Asked—Before You Trust Them With Your Care
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been let down by a doctor’s office before realizing that, yes, it really is OK to “fire” a provider who isn’t working for you. I have fired them for various reasons, lack of listening, lack of “effective” communication from staff. being rushed or feeling like a number.After decades of trial, error, and yes—letting go of plenty of so-called “experts”—I’ve finally assembled a care team that feels less like a revolving door and more like family. Here’s who’s in my corner now, how I found them, and what sticks with me every single day.
1. My Primary Care “Coach”
Fifteen years of trust. That’s how long she’s been walking alongside me—through diagnosis, decline, hospice, and healing.
She listens. She’s proactive. And most importantly—she knows me. She understands my history, my goals, and my fears. She knows I don’t take my health lightly and that I’m fully engaged in my own care. That’s why nothing falls through the cracks.
She doesn’t just refer me to a specialist when it’s “medically necessary”—she also refers when I ask, because she respects that I know my body. We’re partners, not just patient and provider. And that makes all the difference.
2. My Cardiologist, “My Lifesaver”Twenty PLUS years of trust—and yes, he’s pulled me back from the brink of some significant health scares and then of course hospice. What sets him apart:
No ego, all expertise explaining things to my standards
He remembers the details from last year’s echo and the big moments from 2010
Coordinates seamlessly with everyone else on my team
Is one of my biggest cheerleaders and is sincere in his care
3. My Pulmonologist “Extraordinaire”Between fibrosing mediastinitis, sleep apnea, asthma and allergies my lungs have been through the wringer. He’s:
Detail-obsessed and patient-focused leaving great notes for others on my care team
A top-notch communicator who truly listens to me
Always ready to tweak my plan based on real-life feedback
4. Specialists at Major Centers Electrophysiologists, interventional radiologists, nutritionists who get heart failure—my crew is peer-nominated rockstars. I found them through:
Solid referrals from my core team
Asking other patients, then confirming with online ratings
What Matters Most to Me
Collaboration is everything. I expect every single person on my team to:
Know my full story—history, goals, fears
Explain every test or treatment in plain English and confirm that I understand
Talk with one another so I’m never the middle-man
The confidence I get knowing my team is on the same page—and always has my back—is priceless.
Why I “Fire” Doctors
Endless wait times with zero updates drive me crazy.
Being treated like an afterthought by reception or nursing staff is insulting.
Being unable to communicate effectively with the nurses who are the doctors gatekeeper. Nurses often control access to your doctor, especially in busy practices. If you can’t clearly communicate with them—or if they don't pass along your concerns accurately—you may not get the care or follow-up you need.
Walking out more frustrated than when I walked in—that’s just simply unacceptable.
If I leave an appointment thinking, “Did anyone even listen?” it’s a hard pass.
My Secret Weapon: The Q&A Screen-Test
Before “hiring” any new provider, I schedule a consult and hit them with 3–5 must-ask questions:
How will you involve me in decision-making? I’m not here for a lecture—I’m here to partner in my own care. Look for answers that mention shared decision-making, respect for patient input, and personal preferences. If they talk over you now, it’ll only get worse later.
What’s our backup plan if this treatment doesn’t work? I want a provider who thinks two steps ahead—not one-and-done promises. Look for honesty, flexibility, and a willingness to explore Plan B, C, or D when needed
What’s your typical response time for messages, labs, or concerns? My health doesn’t run on a two-week delay. Responsiveness matters—especially when you’re managing a chronic or life-threatening condition. Vague or dismissive answers? 🚩
What do you do when a patient’s instincts don’t match the labs? I need a provider who believes me—not just my numbers. This question reveals whether they value your lived experience, or just what’s on paper.
How do you communicate with the rest of my care team? I’m not going to play messenger between departments. A good provider will already have a system in place for collaborative care, whether that’s shared notes, case conferences, or timely follow-ups with specialists.
🔎 My Green Lights
✅ They listen more than they talk ✅ They ask about me, not just my chart ✅ They welcome second opinions ✅ They explain the “why” behind every decision ✅ They’re not afraid to say “I don’t know” and follow up
🚩 My Red Flags
❌ They rush through answers or interrupt ❌ They make assumptions without asking ❌ They dismiss symptoms as anxiety or age ❌ They don’t know my condition—and don’t seem interested in learning ❌ They leave me more confused than when I arrived
Building this dream team didn’t happen overnight. But by setting high standards, asking the right questions, and never apologizing for walking away from a bad fit, I’ve turned a chaotic healthcare journey into a true partnership. You deserve nothing less.
It took me years to trust my gut in these situations. Now I lead with it.And every time I say no to the wrong provider, I’m one step closer to the right one.
🗣Ask the questions. ✍🏽 Take notes. 🚪 And if the answers don’t sit right with you—walk away.
You deserve a care team that respects your story, honors your voice, and fights for your future. Don’t settle.
💬 Let me know if this resonates with you—have you ever struggled to get through the “gatekeepers” in healthcare? I’d love to hear your experience. If this checklist or post helps you feel more prepared, drop a comment and tell me how.
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