Some roles in life find us long before we’re ready for them — and caregiving is one of them.

A reflection on love, responsibility, and learning to care for yourself while caring for someone else.

I was caregiving long before I was able to consent to caregiving and simply because I loved my mom and I knew she needed help. I think one of the hardest parts of being a caregiver and someone who grew up in that role is you’re faced with understanding your own mortality, as well as others, very quickly. You quickly learn how complicated and unfair life is.

You quickly learn that not everybody gets an equal playing field. You very quickly learn how serious and fragile life is at its core. When it’s a parent or sibling you’re caregiving for, you really see a part of yourself in their shoes. You see and live the experience in a unique way. It teaches you empathy in a very unedited way — up close and personal.

In all reality, I don’t think I’ve maneuvered caregiving from a place of strength or even hope at times. I have struggled with my own mental health for many years, and being a caregiver wasn’t a role I ever intended on stepping into. I simply loved my mom and recognized that there’s so much she missed out on in life — that the least I could do is ensure she was well taken care of and got to experience as much as possible.

Not because she’s my mom, but because she’s another human who has been dealt an unfair hand and needed love and support through the journey. I think the strength comes from knowing you’re making a difference in someone’s day-to-day life and that they rely on and trust you to be there for them at their most vulnerable moments.

I’ve never experienced hopefulness in such a tangible and heart-palpitating way than learning about the tricuspid valve replacement and knowing my mom may have a fighting chance. It was such an overwhelming and tough experience, but hearing that there was a “maybe” was tough.

On one hand, you didn’t want to get yourself all worked up to be let down because there had been many letdowns over the years before, but on the other hand, you realized cutting-edge technology and the ever-changing medical field might finally catch up to her needs at the absolute perfect time. It was just such an overwhelming experience to watch. I can’t imagine having lived through it.

The older I get, the more I realize how absolutely important it is to prioritize yourself when caregiving. I find this to be true especially for women. We are taught and shaped by society to be nurturing and to give even when our vessels are empty.

Now that I have a better understanding of the nervous system and the way our body quite literally keeps the score, I realize that while caregiving is important — and for many people not even a question or option — it doesn’t mean that your needs disappear. From therapy and prioritizing your own mental health to adequate sleep and physical movement, there are so many different parts of prioritizing oneself that get lost when it comes to caregiving.

If I had any one message for other caregivers, it would be to ensure that you prioritize yourself at the end of the day. You can only do so much for other people if you’re neglecting yourself.

~Azure Burrell                                                                                                                        Caregiver and HeartBridge Collective member

#HeartBridgeCollective #Heart2HeartTalk #CaregiverVoices #PatientVoice #SelfCareForCaregivers #WomenWhoCare #HeartHealthAwareness #LoveInAction #HopeInAction #EmpathyInAction #SecondChances #TricuspidValveMiracle